Mwhaha, LIFE IS GOOD.
Im in size 14 clothes...hence the title. i am muchley pleased with myself.
I am loving marching again. Its sooo hard work, but flipping fab, i feel like i can do it all again. And its exciting to make new friends.
Just finished my second year of university and ive got a little time to chill before starting to work more in the summer time. Yes, life is currently fine. :)
Thursday, 19 May 2011
Thursday, 5 May 2011
Jeggins, black tee and flip flops - when I hear music I blog.
Today has been trying but in a good way I feel. Its been a universe of emotions from nervous to relieved, to guilty. Today I handed in an essay that has been getting me down so that was a weight lifted off my shoulders, but I also had to tell a friend that I was almost betraying them and siding with the enemy so to speak.
Anyone who knows me will understand that Band isnt something I do, its a way of life. Lately that way of life seems to have been getting more and more dilute. We are no longer big enough as a core to march this season of competitions and have been trying like crazy to keep members and recruit new ones. It appears though that it is a dying sport. For now it has reached the end of its life cycle. In today's society it appears no one is willing to committ to an activity that requires dedication and respect whilst providing not only tuition, fitness and fun but all at the same time makes you part of a family that will always be there for you even after you leave. It is sad and the sport shall eventually die out I suppose. Anyway, I have been teaching the oungsters we do have left for the last two years, but with out the promise of marching this season what I can offer them is limited, and I feel I want a challenge, something to achieve. So I have decided to join a 'rival band' for this summer only. I look forward to learning new things and being able to show the girls I teach them too. I look forward to marching with old friends who have also moved to that Band. Most people become part of a band to win, to be the best. But that isnt for me. I do it to be involved, to learn and in turn teach. I enjoy what I do and where I am just now, I just need to broaden my horizons. Now to why I felt so nervous. I had to tell a very good friend that I shall be going to this band, now by rights I am not doing anything wrong, or betraying anyone as we arent marching this season and the other bands rehearsals wont clash with uptons, but I still knew how dissapointed my friend would be. So I decided to tell her tonight. I was so worried, I havent been able to sleep for the last couple of days. It turns out she took it well, but I could still see that she was a little hesitant and hurt. Hopefully my commitment to upton will in time heal this. So I was slightly relieve and now, I am feeling a little guilty. I hate letting people down. I would probably slit my own throat if I thought not doing it would upset someone...
It was noce though to hear the music today at band and remember exactly why I go there. It has been too long since Ive got the famous chills up my spine and goosebumps on my arms becasue I am so proud and overawed at what we as a group can do. It is a shame there arent enough of us to translate it on to the field and that some people have lost all capacity to remember that feeling...the music made me happy and at the same time incredibly sad. It added I think to my guilt, knowing that we can still make a beautiful sound yet, I am looking for more fulfillment elsewhere. I should like to go back 5 years when we were at our peak and everything was band and band was everything.
On the plus side the centre we rehearse at is under new management and there are two lovely young men that work there now. It felt good knowing that I was being checked out by them and having a bit of a flirt (shhh dont tell anyone) I cant help thinking it is perhaps because of my weightloss that I now get noticed. I have lost in total 1st 5.5lbs. nearly 10% of my total body fat. Maybe they noticed me not because of my weightloss directly, but because I was indirectly more confident in myself because of it. Either way it felt good and I would like more of it please.
Loco is worrying me at the moment. I seem to have lost the drive to emmerse myself completely in it. I am upset with myself at this and am trying my hardest to correct it. Maybe I just dont click with the play? Or maybe I am subconsciously stuck up and because I'm not the lead keeping my distance? I hope not, that would make me an awfully selfish and unrealistic person. Anyway, the show is in 2 weeks so I must get my bum in gear.
Uni. Well, there is one essay and 4 performances left for this year. it is not the performances that worry me in fact. I am looking forward to them. I have so enjoyed being a company with some amazing people and pushing myself beyond what I thought was capable. The essay I am not so confident with, 2500 words and I am struggling to see when I will have the time to do it. Im sure I will, but I do like to worry.
As for other people, it is such a busy time of the year I am hard stretched to follow what is happening with everyone. A lot of my friends have finished their final year at uni and this saddend me somewhat. I always imagined getting together with them all at the end all our graduations and havgin a few drinks. I know theres nothing to stop us doing that now, but still, it wont be the same. Nevermind, everything happens for a reason. Although I wish my reason would make itself clear.
Right, I havent really rounded this essay of a blog off with a lovely quote or something cathartic but I feel it is time for bed and so I shall don on my striped pj shorts and winnie the Pooh fleece (sexy, yes!) and sleep.
sleep well all. xxx
Anyone who knows me will understand that Band isnt something I do, its a way of life. Lately that way of life seems to have been getting more and more dilute. We are no longer big enough as a core to march this season of competitions and have been trying like crazy to keep members and recruit new ones. It appears though that it is a dying sport. For now it has reached the end of its life cycle. In today's society it appears no one is willing to committ to an activity that requires dedication and respect whilst providing not only tuition, fitness and fun but all at the same time makes you part of a family that will always be there for you even after you leave. It is sad and the sport shall eventually die out I suppose. Anyway, I have been teaching the oungsters we do have left for the last two years, but with out the promise of marching this season what I can offer them is limited, and I feel I want a challenge, something to achieve. So I have decided to join a 'rival band' for this summer only. I look forward to learning new things and being able to show the girls I teach them too. I look forward to marching with old friends who have also moved to that Band. Most people become part of a band to win, to be the best. But that isnt for me. I do it to be involved, to learn and in turn teach. I enjoy what I do and where I am just now, I just need to broaden my horizons. Now to why I felt so nervous. I had to tell a very good friend that I shall be going to this band, now by rights I am not doing anything wrong, or betraying anyone as we arent marching this season and the other bands rehearsals wont clash with uptons, but I still knew how dissapointed my friend would be. So I decided to tell her tonight. I was so worried, I havent been able to sleep for the last couple of days. It turns out she took it well, but I could still see that she was a little hesitant and hurt. Hopefully my commitment to upton will in time heal this. So I was slightly relieve and now, I am feeling a little guilty. I hate letting people down. I would probably slit my own throat if I thought not doing it would upset someone...
It was noce though to hear the music today at band and remember exactly why I go there. It has been too long since Ive got the famous chills up my spine and goosebumps on my arms becasue I am so proud and overawed at what we as a group can do. It is a shame there arent enough of us to translate it on to the field and that some people have lost all capacity to remember that feeling...the music made me happy and at the same time incredibly sad. It added I think to my guilt, knowing that we can still make a beautiful sound yet, I am looking for more fulfillment elsewhere. I should like to go back 5 years when we were at our peak and everything was band and band was everything.
On the plus side the centre we rehearse at is under new management and there are two lovely young men that work there now. It felt good knowing that I was being checked out by them and having a bit of a flirt (shhh dont tell anyone) I cant help thinking it is perhaps because of my weightloss that I now get noticed. I have lost in total 1st 5.5lbs. nearly 10% of my total body fat. Maybe they noticed me not because of my weightloss directly, but because I was indirectly more confident in myself because of it. Either way it felt good and I would like more of it please.
Loco is worrying me at the moment. I seem to have lost the drive to emmerse myself completely in it. I am upset with myself at this and am trying my hardest to correct it. Maybe I just dont click with the play? Or maybe I am subconsciously stuck up and because I'm not the lead keeping my distance? I hope not, that would make me an awfully selfish and unrealistic person. Anyway, the show is in 2 weeks so I must get my bum in gear.
Uni. Well, there is one essay and 4 performances left for this year. it is not the performances that worry me in fact. I am looking forward to them. I have so enjoyed being a company with some amazing people and pushing myself beyond what I thought was capable. The essay I am not so confident with, 2500 words and I am struggling to see when I will have the time to do it. Im sure I will, but I do like to worry.
As for other people, it is such a busy time of the year I am hard stretched to follow what is happening with everyone. A lot of my friends have finished their final year at uni and this saddend me somewhat. I always imagined getting together with them all at the end all our graduations and havgin a few drinks. I know theres nothing to stop us doing that now, but still, it wont be the same. Nevermind, everything happens for a reason. Although I wish my reason would make itself clear.
Right, I havent really rounded this essay of a blog off with a lovely quote or something cathartic but I feel it is time for bed and so I shall don on my striped pj shorts and winnie the Pooh fleece (sexy, yes!) and sleep.
sleep well all. xxx
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