Friday, 30 September 2011
Monday, 12 September 2011
Not alot.
Tomorrow I have yet more tests to be done at hospital. They scare me. I know I need them done, but I really truly do not like needles, let alone big ones designed to remove tissue. Never mind, I shall just have to man up.
Speaking of men... Dr Who was a super emotional lovey dovey one this week. Had me bawling. Got me all broody and feeling ready to settle down. Unusually I don't really have much against any particualr man that I want to say atm, I have no gripes about a particular one this time. No one has promised me anything and I'm not waiting on anyone. I do however feel the need to wail about the general lack of men who are remotely interested in me. Haha. I feel perhaps it is my fault that I dont socialise enough to meet one (this is what im told anyhow) but why can't someone whom I click with just fall out of the sky??? Part of me longs for some companionship, the other realises that it will happen in due time and one just has to be patient. I gave up searching a while back, still I'd just like to put it out there that I havent lost all hope and that it would be quite nice to have someone to share things with. Im not asking to fall head over heels or even be swept off my feet; but a little something/someone to keep me from reaching the breaches of suicidal threats and drunken wailings would be lovely.
On top of the emotional strains that come with bearing witness to the merging of time streams and the inability of the Tardis being able to cope with a parodox of the one and only (or maybe not) Amy Pond; I am shattered. My body has started to give up on me. The usual chest infection is hovering ominously over my head and a real sexy cold voice has taken residence. Time is not long enough and I have to squeeze everything into a brief period. It makes me ill: But until I myself have a Tardis I shall have to cope. In the last 2 days I have; worked Vanfest at the Three Counties Showground selling side bars and rock and roll beds, Travelled to Bristol, Travelled to Bedford, rehearsed for a band show, Competed, Won, Travelled back to Bristol, travelled back to Malvern, completed a full day of work placement with Vamos and now Im just about ready to collapse.
Im so tired im writing complete twaddle.
I bid you goodnight. xx
Speaking of men... Dr Who was a super emotional lovey dovey one this week. Had me bawling. Got me all broody and feeling ready to settle down. Unusually I don't really have much against any particualr man that I want to say atm, I have no gripes about a particular one this time. No one has promised me anything and I'm not waiting on anyone. I do however feel the need to wail about the general lack of men who are remotely interested in me. Haha. I feel perhaps it is my fault that I dont socialise enough to meet one (this is what im told anyhow) but why can't someone whom I click with just fall out of the sky??? Part of me longs for some companionship, the other realises that it will happen in due time and one just has to be patient. I gave up searching a while back, still I'd just like to put it out there that I havent lost all hope and that it would be quite nice to have someone to share things with. Im not asking to fall head over heels or even be swept off my feet; but a little something/someone to keep me from reaching the breaches of suicidal threats and drunken wailings would be lovely.
On top of the emotional strains that come with bearing witness to the merging of time streams and the inability of the Tardis being able to cope with a parodox of the one and only (or maybe not) Amy Pond; I am shattered. My body has started to give up on me. The usual chest infection is hovering ominously over my head and a real sexy cold voice has taken residence. Time is not long enough and I have to squeeze everything into a brief period. It makes me ill: But until I myself have a Tardis I shall have to cope. In the last 2 days I have; worked Vanfest at the Three Counties Showground selling side bars and rock and roll beds, Travelled to Bristol, Travelled to Bedford, rehearsed for a band show, Competed, Won, Travelled back to Bristol, travelled back to Malvern, completed a full day of work placement with Vamos and now Im just about ready to collapse.
Im so tired im writing complete twaddle.
I bid you goodnight. xx
Saturday, 3 September 2011
Wooly Jumper, Leggings and Slippers.
It has been a week of test and Scans, and next week I have more to look forward to, this time with BIG FAT needles. Bleugh!
On the bright side I had a fabulous holiday with the girls in spain. ABSOLUTE BALL! I really rather wish I was still there.
Ciao for now. xxx
On the bright side I had a fabulous holiday with the girls in spain. ABSOLUTE BALL! I really rather wish I was still there.
Ciao for now. xxx
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Blue pj shorts and old t-shirt
Sometimes life is hard...But that's what makes the good times feel so easy. Chin-up and keep smiling.
Saturday, 13 August 2011
black maxi dress
So today has been a good day, the best of a bad week to be honest.
Went shopping with the little sister and spent money on not alot of things, always fun.
Its been a hard hard week, and Ive had trouble deciding whether or not I want to speak about it. Ive told all of one person aside of my family members, because I think perhaps my worrying is silly or too o.t.t.
I know that I usually use this blog to rant and rave or just be a little bit silly, but there comes a time in life when all of us like to get a little serious for a minute or two. Today I want to use this space to speak out about something that is a big interruption in my recent life, something that needs to stay on the down-low. I know that an extremely small number of people if any read this and so I feel I can say all I like on here without drawing too much attention my way.
A month ago I found a lump in my left breast. It has been worrying me, but it was stupidly put to the back of my mind with all the happenings of late. It wasnt until I went to scotland and visited my Auntie who has recently battled with Breast Cancer (and won I am pleased to say) That I realised how important it was that I get it checked out. Breast Cancer and the linked Bowel cancer has been found in several people on both sides of my family so the doctor has refered me to the Breast Unit to have it checked out. She tells me that I shouldnt worry, that she thinks its not something to worry about. But I cant help it. I dont think it is a big deal and I dont believe for one second that my life is in question, however it really does put things into perspective. I cant for one second begin to understand what it must be like for those who have been or had loved ones affected by it. But even with the smallest uncertainty that I may have something like that it has reaped hell in my immediate family. My Grandma, who we lost the end of Feb this year had battled with both breast and bowel cancer several times over. Dad thinks he didnt do enough for her or encourage her to go to the doctors enough and is now pushing and pushing me to "stand-up for myself" at the doctors and ask to be tested immediately and so-on. I know this comes out of love and worries, but really it makes me feel awful and worries me more. Mum is upset because Dad is upset, she worries about me too, and between them I'm sure they've discussed every situation possible. I just dont want to talk about it to people who care I shrug Mum and Dad off, it causes way too much trouble, so here I am on here.
Theres not alot left to say, theres the obvious feelings that come with waiting for an appointement to schedule a breast exam. Though i've been told not to worry, you cant be truly clear of it until that happens.
There are hundreds of people out there now with the same worries as me, theirs probably somewhat more legitimate. I wish I could give them all a cuddle, because thats the best I have to offer and right now I'd really love one myself.
The week has been a bit of shitter from the above point onwards, what with the awful riots and all those poor people affected by that. I really cant wait to go away for a few days to Spain with the girls and leave with behind everything that England has to offer me.
Ok, thats me done. Normal blogging shall resume next time.
take care all. xxx
Went shopping with the little sister and spent money on not alot of things, always fun.
Its been a hard hard week, and Ive had trouble deciding whether or not I want to speak about it. Ive told all of one person aside of my family members, because I think perhaps my worrying is silly or too o.t.t.
I know that I usually use this blog to rant and rave or just be a little bit silly, but there comes a time in life when all of us like to get a little serious for a minute or two. Today I want to use this space to speak out about something that is a big interruption in my recent life, something that needs to stay on the down-low. I know that an extremely small number of people if any read this and so I feel I can say all I like on here without drawing too much attention my way.
A month ago I found a lump in my left breast. It has been worrying me, but it was stupidly put to the back of my mind with all the happenings of late. It wasnt until I went to scotland and visited my Auntie who has recently battled with Breast Cancer (and won I am pleased to say) That I realised how important it was that I get it checked out. Breast Cancer and the linked Bowel cancer has been found in several people on both sides of my family so the doctor has refered me to the Breast Unit to have it checked out. She tells me that I shouldnt worry, that she thinks its not something to worry about. But I cant help it. I dont think it is a big deal and I dont believe for one second that my life is in question, however it really does put things into perspective. I cant for one second begin to understand what it must be like for those who have been or had loved ones affected by it. But even with the smallest uncertainty that I may have something like that it has reaped hell in my immediate family. My Grandma, who we lost the end of Feb this year had battled with both breast and bowel cancer several times over. Dad thinks he didnt do enough for her or encourage her to go to the doctors enough and is now pushing and pushing me to "stand-up for myself" at the doctors and ask to be tested immediately and so-on. I know this comes out of love and worries, but really it makes me feel awful and worries me more. Mum is upset because Dad is upset, she worries about me too, and between them I'm sure they've discussed every situation possible. I just dont want to talk about it to people who care I shrug Mum and Dad off, it causes way too much trouble, so here I am on here.
Theres not alot left to say, theres the obvious feelings that come with waiting for an appointement to schedule a breast exam. Though i've been told not to worry, you cant be truly clear of it until that happens.
There are hundreds of people out there now with the same worries as me, theirs probably somewhat more legitimate. I wish I could give them all a cuddle, because thats the best I have to offer and right now I'd really love one myself.
The week has been a bit of shitter from the above point onwards, what with the awful riots and all those poor people affected by that. I really cant wait to go away for a few days to Spain with the girls and leave with behind everything that England has to offer me.
Ok, thats me done. Normal blogging shall resume next time.
take care all. xxx
Monday, 1 August 2011
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Leopard Print Sun Dress and Flip Flops
This dress seems to fit my mood, it is short, angry and makes my boobs flat: Disappointing.
There comes a time in everyones life when they watch their first 'love' fall in love with someone else...for those lucky few that remain with theirs I am happy for you. I never thought that it would be so awfully sad to see the person I was once completely in lust with declare their feelings for someone else.
Perhaps I feel slightly disappointed that it is not me. Dont get me wrong I have never thought that this person would turn around and want to be with me ever again but now all possibility is gone, that tiny thought of 'maybe' that sits at the back of a girls mind is lost.
I'm not sure I like myself currently. I feel resentment towards this persons new girl, dare I say hatred perhaps. I have never met her and I am sure that she makes this person very happy, but I am already looking for a reason to dislike her, or a reason for their relationship to fail.
It has to be said I am quite the bunny boiler... :S
I dont want to feel like this. I am utterly disgusted with myself and at the same time am wallowing in selfpity. Awful. I think I would find this news much more positive if I had someone myself but I dont so this is how it is. This is entirely a blog moaning about how unfair life is and not just about this 'first love' incident. I feel totally cheated by life at the moment and dont see why I have to hide it. So here goes:
LIFE IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR!!
There I said it. A culmination of selfpity, bad timing and general exhaustion. Yes it is selfish to whine and moan about my perfectly good life when there are others out there far worse off than me, but for once I'd like to be allowed to feel shit without worrying about what others think of me. I'm tired of it, tired of trying to be perfect and think perfect thoughts....End of rant.
(I dont even feel better for it.)
take care.
There comes a time in everyones life when they watch their first 'love' fall in love with someone else...for those lucky few that remain with theirs I am happy for you. I never thought that it would be so awfully sad to see the person I was once completely in lust with declare their feelings for someone else.
Perhaps I feel slightly disappointed that it is not me. Dont get me wrong I have never thought that this person would turn around and want to be with me ever again but now all possibility is gone, that tiny thought of 'maybe' that sits at the back of a girls mind is lost.
I'm not sure I like myself currently. I feel resentment towards this persons new girl, dare I say hatred perhaps. I have never met her and I am sure that she makes this person very happy, but I am already looking for a reason to dislike her, or a reason for their relationship to fail.
It has to be said I am quite the bunny boiler... :S
I dont want to feel like this. I am utterly disgusted with myself and at the same time am wallowing in selfpity. Awful. I think I would find this news much more positive if I had someone myself but I dont so this is how it is. This is entirely a blog moaning about how unfair life is and not just about this 'first love' incident. I feel totally cheated by life at the moment and dont see why I have to hide it. So here goes:
LIFE IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR!!
There I said it. A culmination of selfpity, bad timing and general exhaustion. Yes it is selfish to whine and moan about my perfectly good life when there are others out there far worse off than me, but for once I'd like to be allowed to feel shit without worrying about what others think of me. I'm tired of it, tired of trying to be perfect and think perfect thoughts....End of rant.
(I dont even feel better for it.)
take care.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)