Chinos and white tee.

I am a lucky one.

Not alot.

Tomorrow I have yet more tests to be done at hospital. They scare me. I know I need them done, but I really truly do not like needles, let alone big ones designed to remove tissue. Never mind, I shall just have to man up.

Speaking of men... Dr Who was a super emotional lovey dovey one this week. Had me bawling. Got me all broody and feeling ready to settle down. Unusually I don't really have much against any particualr man that I want to say atm, I have no gripes about a particular one this time. No one has promised me anything and I'm not waiting on anyone. I do however feel the need to wail about the general lack of men who are remotely interested in me. Haha. I feel perhaps it is my fault that I dont socialise enough to meet one (this is what im told anyhow) but why can't someone whom I click with just fall out of the sky??? Part of me longs for some companionship, the other realises that it will happen in due time and one just has to be patient. I gave up searching a while back, still I'd just like to put it out there that I havent lost all hope and that it would be quite nice to have someone to share things with. Im not asking to fall head over heels or even be swept off my feet; but a little something/someone to keep me from reaching the breaches of suicidal threats and drunken wailings would be lovely.

On top of the emotional strains that come with bearing witness to the merging of time streams and the inability of the Tardis being able to cope with a parodox of the one and only (or maybe not) Amy Pond; I am shattered. My body has started to give up on me. The usual chest infection is hovering ominously over my head and a real sexy cold voice has taken residence. Time is not long enough and I have to squeeze everything into a brief period. It makes me ill: But until I myself have a Tardis I shall have to cope. In the last 2 days I have; worked Vanfest at the Three Counties Showground selling side bars and rock and roll beds, Travelled to Bristol, Travelled to Bedford, rehearsed for a band show, Competed, Won, Travelled back to Bristol, travelled back to Malvern, completed a full day of work placement with Vamos and now Im just about ready to collapse.

Im so tired im writing complete twaddle.

I bid you goodnight. xx

Wooly Jumper, Leggings and Slippers.

It has been a week of test and Scans, and next week I have more to look forward to, this time with BIG FAT needles. Bleugh!
On the bright side I had a fabulous holiday with the girls in spain. ABSOLUTE BALL! I really rather wish I was still there.
Ciao for now. xxx

Blue pj shorts and old t-shirt

Sometimes life is hard...But that's what makes the good times feel so easy. Chin-up and keep smiling.

black maxi dress

So today has been a good day, the best of a bad week to be honest.
Went shopping with the little sister and spent money on not alot of things, always fun.

Its been a hard hard week, and Ive had trouble deciding whether or not I want to speak about it. Ive told all of one person aside of my family members, because I think perhaps my worrying is silly or too o.t.t.
I know that I usually use this blog to rant and rave or just be a little bit silly, but there comes a time in life when all of us like to get a little serious for a minute or two. Today I want to use this space to speak out about something that is a big interruption in my recent life, something that needs to stay on the down-low. I know that an extremely small number of people if any read this and so I feel I can say all I like on here without drawing too much attention my way.

A month ago I found a lump in my left breast. It has been worrying me, but it was stupidly put to the back of my mind with all the happenings of late. It wasnt until I went to scotland and visited my Auntie who has recently battled with Breast Cancer (and won I am pleased to say) That I realised how important it was that I get it checked out. Breast Cancer and the linked Bowel cancer has been found in several people on both sides of my family so the doctor has refered me to the Breast Unit to have it checked out. She tells me that I shouldnt worry, that she thinks its not something to worry about. But I cant help it. I dont think it is a big deal and I dont believe for one second that my life is in question, however it really does put things into perspective. I cant for one second begin to understand what it must be like for those who have been or had loved ones affected by it. But even with the smallest uncertainty that I may have something like that it has reaped hell in my immediate family. My Grandma, who we lost the end of Feb this year had battled with both breast and bowel cancer several times over. Dad thinks he didnt do enough for her or encourage her to go to the doctors enough and is now pushing and pushing me to "stand-up for myself" at the doctors and ask to be tested immediately and so-on. I know this comes out of love and worries, but really it makes me feel awful and worries me more. Mum is upset because Dad is upset, she worries about me too, and between them I'm sure they've discussed every situation possible. I just dont want to talk about it to people who care I shrug Mum and Dad off, it causes way too much trouble, so here I am on here.
Theres not alot left to say, theres the obvious feelings that come with waiting for an appointement to schedule a breast exam. Though i've been told not to worry, you cant be truly clear of it until that happens.
There are hundreds of people out there now with the same worries as me, theirs probably somewhat more legitimate. I wish I could give them all a cuddle, because thats the best I have to offer and right now I'd really love one myself.

The week has been a bit of shitter from the above point onwards, what with the awful riots and all those poor people affected by that. I really cant wait to go away for a few days to Spain with the girls and leave with behind everything that England has to offer me.

Ok, thats me done. Normal blogging shall resume next time.

take care all. xxx

grey shorts, green vest and flipflops.

Ive put on weight. Today is a bad day.

Leopard Print Sun Dress and Flip Flops

This dress seems to fit my mood, it is short, angry and makes my boobs flat: Disappointing.

There comes a time in everyones life when they watch their first 'love' fall in love with someone else...for those lucky few that remain with theirs I am happy for you. I never thought that it would be so awfully sad to see the person I was once completely in lust with declare their feelings for someone else.
Perhaps I feel slightly disappointed that it is not me. Dont get me wrong I have never thought that this person would turn around and want to be with me ever again but now all possibility is gone, that tiny thought of 'maybe' that sits at the back of a girls mind is lost.
I'm not sure I like myself currently. I feel resentment towards this persons new girl, dare I say hatred perhaps. I have never met her and I am sure that she makes this person very happy, but I am already looking for a reason to dislike her, or a reason for their relationship to fail.

It has to be said I am quite the bunny boiler... :S

I dont want to feel like this. I am utterly disgusted with myself and at the same time am wallowing in selfpity. Awful. I think I would find this news much more positive if I had someone myself but I dont so this is how it is. This is entirely a blog moaning about how unfair life is and not just about this 'first love' incident. I feel totally cheated by life at the moment and dont see why I have to hide it. So here goes:

LIFE IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR!!

There I said it. A culmination of selfpity, bad timing and general exhaustion. Yes it is selfish to whine and moan about my perfectly good life when there are others out there far worse off than me, but for once I'd like to be allowed to feel shit without worrying about what others think of me. I'm tired of it, tired of trying to be perfect and think perfect thoughts....End of rant.

(I dont even feel better for it.)

take care.

SIZE 14 black joggers, black vest and beige half t-shirt thingy.

Mwhaha, LIFE IS GOOD.
Im in size 14 clothes...hence the title. i am muchley pleased with myself.
I am loving marching again. Its sooo hard work, but flipping fab, i feel like i can do it all again. And its exciting to make new friends.
Just finished my second year of university and ive got a little time to chill before starting to work more in the summer time. Yes, life is currently fine. :)

Jeggins, black tee and flip flops - when I hear music I blog.

Today has been trying but in a good way I feel. Its been a universe of emotions from nervous to relieved, to guilty. Today I handed in an essay that has been getting me down so that was a weight lifted off my shoulders, but I also had to tell a friend that I was almost betraying them and siding with the enemy so to speak.

Anyone who knows me will understand that Band isnt something I do, its a way of life. Lately that way of life seems to have been getting more and more dilute. We are no longer big enough as a core to march this season of competitions and have been trying like crazy to keep members and recruit new ones. It appears though that it is a dying sport. For now it has reached the end of its life cycle. In today's society it appears no one is willing to committ to an activity that requires dedication and respect whilst providing not only tuition, fitness and fun but all at the same time makes you part of a family that will always be there for you even after you leave. It is sad and the sport shall eventually die out I suppose. Anyway, I have been teaching the oungsters we do have left for the last two years, but with out the promise of marching this season what I can offer them is limited, and I feel I want a challenge, something to achieve. So I have decided to join a 'rival band' for this summer only. I look forward to learning new things and being able to show the girls I teach them too. I look forward to marching with old friends who have also moved to that Band. Most people become part of a band to win, to be the best. But that isnt for me. I do it to be involved, to learn and in turn teach. I enjoy what I do and where I am just now, I just need to broaden my horizons. Now to why I felt so nervous. I had to tell a very good friend that I shall be going to this band, now by rights I am not doing anything wrong, or betraying anyone as we arent marching this season and the other bands rehearsals wont clash with uptons, but I still knew how dissapointed my friend would be. So I decided to tell her tonight. I was so worried, I havent been able to sleep for the last couple of days. It turns out she took it well, but I could still see that she was a little hesitant and hurt. Hopefully my commitment to upton will in time heal this. So I was slightly relieve and now, I am feeling a little guilty. I hate letting people down. I would probably slit my own throat if I thought not doing it would upset someone...

It was noce though to hear the music today at band and remember exactly why I go there. It has been too long since Ive got the famous chills up my spine and goosebumps on my arms becasue I am so proud and overawed at what we as a group can do. It is a shame there arent enough of us to translate it on to the field and that some people have lost all capacity to remember that feeling...the music made me happy and at the same time incredibly sad. It added I think to my guilt, knowing that we can still make a beautiful sound yet, I am looking for more fulfillment elsewhere. I should like to go back 5 years when we were at our peak and everything was band and band was everything.

On the plus side the centre we rehearse at is under new management and there are two lovely young men that work there now. It felt good knowing that I was being checked out by them and having a bit of a flirt (shhh dont tell anyone) I cant help thinking it is perhaps because of my weightloss that I now get noticed. I have lost in total 1st 5.5lbs. nearly 10% of my total body fat. Maybe they noticed me not because of my weightloss directly, but because I was indirectly more confident in myself because of it. Either way it felt good and I would like more of it please.

Loco is worrying me at the moment. I seem to have lost the drive to emmerse myself completely in it. I am upset with myself at this and am trying my hardest to correct it. Maybe I just dont click with the play? Or maybe I am subconsciously stuck up and because I'm not the lead keeping my distance? I hope not, that would make me an awfully selfish and unrealistic person. Anyway, the show is in 2 weeks so I must get my bum in gear.

Uni. Well, there is one essay and 4 performances left for this year. it is not the performances that worry me in fact. I am looking forward to them. I have so enjoyed being a company with some amazing people and pushing myself beyond what I thought was capable. The essay I am not so confident with, 2500 words and I am struggling to see when I will have the time to do it. Im sure I will, but I do like to worry.

As for other people, it is such a busy time of the year I am hard stretched to follow what is happening with everyone. A lot of my friends have finished their final year at uni and this saddend me somewhat. I always imagined getting together with them all at the end all our graduations and havgin a few drinks. I know theres nothing to stop us doing that now, but still, it wont be the same. Nevermind, everything happens for a reason. Although I wish my reason would make itself clear.

Right, I havent really rounded this essay of a blog off with a lovely quote or something cathartic but I feel it is time for bed and so I shall don on my striped pj shorts and winnie the Pooh fleece (sexy, yes!) and sleep.

sleep well all. xxx

Cut-off Denim Shorts and Black Vest.

Today has been lovely. Chilled and got all my errands done. Looking forward to the weekend, where I shall be drinking in the sunshine with some lovelies at the local Folk Festival. :)
I feel terribly unorganised at the moment and cannot wait until this semester is over and I will have a true feeling of nothing to do (other than Post Office work).
No deep thinking blog today, just a little jot down about the day.

Goodnight all. xx

Purple Maxi Dess and Little Pink Cardigan.

Everyone has a certain person in their life that will constantly disappoint them. I am no fool and realise who the person in my life is, nevertheless, I am truly dissappointed each time. I wouldnt normally mention it, but this person did it again last night. Its been playing on my mind, and therE is nothing I can do about it; short of publicly humilating them with a few slaps around the face and a browraising "PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN!"

So, I've been trying really hard to lose weight, and I have been, so far its just over a stone. Not much. But enough. Enough to give me that tictaccy "refreshing little lift" when I wake up each morning and look in the mirror. I'm keeping at it of course. I am currently a size 14 and whilst this is a size under the average for women of the U.K. I am aiming for a 12, I want to push myself and see how far I can go. Not in a bad way, in a way that makes me feel empowered and in control of myself again. I feel attractive for the first time in a long while. :)

Recently another friend of mine was let down, but this time not by a friend of hers, but her job. She had aspirations of getting a house with her boyfriend and moving up the ladder but was forced out of her job due to lack of money. No one else was better at her job than her. She was outstanding where others we satisfactory. So I ask what has this world come to? To kick a teacher (for that is what she is) that is outstanding at teaching children out of her job whilst allowing the teacher who is "satifactory" to teach it. It is mad! I was so angry for her. Anyways, she is sucessfull and her outstandingness paid off as she has been given another teaching job faster than you can say 'muff.' She will succeed in all she does because she works hard and is destine for great things. Still, it goes to prove how unstable all our lives are as we rely on money and employment.

I have eaten far too much chocolate, but I have loved every second of it. :D NOM!

over and out. xxx

a white house, with blue shutters overlooking the lake...

I've just been in tears for the last hour after watching 'The Notebook' for all those cynics out there who think chick flicks are for girls and are a load of twaddle think on, because this one was glorious. It made me cry for sure, and you always know its a good one when you don't know why you are crying...if you are happy or sad or feel for the character or feel for yourself after seeing your own life reflected in the story. The fact that it can make you feel rew emotion and remind you that you are alive is the best bit about it.
Now, if you really are looking for a load of twaddle you've just read it. Haha. I don't think I can convey how the film made me feel. I don't think I need to, the mere fact that it made me feel anything is something, reminds me that I'm human and still very much alive.
Good night, I shall now go and dream that one day it should happen to me (minus the dementia bit) sleep well. Xx

the sun has got his hat on. :)

It's amazing the difference that a bit of sun can make! Today we all sat out in it in our break. Only for 20minutes, but it was glorious. The girls are fabulous and never fail to brighten my day and make me smile. I feel that I've just found my uni family that everyone talks about. Its great. I think that perhaps I spent too much time trying to fit in and fall in love. Now I know its not about that, its about enjoying my friends and my time with them having a laugh and creating memories that I can talk about for ages.
With a smile I bid you goodnight. Xx

I FEEL GOOD and i'm gunna blog about it. *hmph*

Im really happy, and so pleased with myself. I got on the scales today and I lost 8lbs 4oz!!! Thats over half a stone. I never thought I'd have to will power to do this. Turns out I do. :)

I am struggling with feeling worthy of other people at the moment. My confidence has been at an all time low and I try and explain it to people but they dont understand cause they see the front I can put on, the one where I joke and laugh and do stupid things. sadly they dont see what goes on in my head. But today I feel the littlest bit more confident and all because I can fit into a pair of jeans! I hope these little things that make a little difference keep coming.

xxx

Catharsis

Catharsis- A purging of emotion. See I do learn something in uni. :)

Today was a tying up of lose ends and spring cleaning of emotions. It seems that just being able to chat to someone can sort a lot of things out, can clear a head and put a smile on a face. Today has been a better day.

Here's to clean slates and furry things. x

p.s. One day I will write something interesting on a topic chosen for me by random facebookers. Today though, is not one of those days :P

sound of silence

Sometimes you just need to speak to someone. Then you realise it is midnight and all the sane people that would be kind enough to listen are asleep. I miss you.

syphills

Had a lovely day today. Bit out of the norm for me to do anything that doesn't involve uni, work, loco or band. Went to visit miss waldis in her home town of ross. It was exciting having to navigate my way there all by myself. I felt almost grownup. We spent the day on the sofa watching jamie oliver and got to dance. It was fab! Nice to just chill and not have a time limit.
I shan't explain the title of the blog because I want to have to read this back in weeks to come and have to wrack my brains to remember and laugh all the more. :)
I'm trying to lose weight again. I did so well last time, I've gone back with weight watchers.my weight is a big issue in my life right now. I have little confidence because of it and I am sick and tired of being disappointed and upset with myself when I look in the mirror. So I'm doing something about it. It starts here! I want to feel attractive again and to put on a pair of jeans and not worry about my stomach hanging out. I want to be able to go on a night out and not feel like a fat turd next to all my beautiful friends. I want a guy to look at me and not immediately dismiss me cause I'm big. So here goes. I'm determined. Its going to happen!
For now. Sleep well.

Xxx

lost it

I really really would like my confidence back please.

facebook addiction

I'm addicted to facebook and not in the good way. It appears to be so much a part of my life that I check it religiously and await the little red light that blinks on my phone to tell me I have a notification. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this but I am beyond proud of it.
Why should I live my life waiting for some virtual attention. Why should I have to monitor my feelings and sensor what I say over the internet for fear of what people will think of me whebi put something that may make me seem desperate or too overly depressed. The fact of the matter is we now use facebook to identify and express our feelings and emotions. Right now I want to write how I feel on facebook so the guy it is about see's it and questions it, feels guilty about it, notices me. I feel it is safer to broadcast it to over 400 people rather than confront him face to face. Its all backwards really. Well I'm going to battle this addiction, the need to divulge every moment of my life to the world every feeling. I'm not going to confront the guy, I'm too scared lol. this is what facebook has done. Removed the personal at the same time as projecting it out there, broadcasting it. What is this rant about? I had a need to write and so chose to put it on here, I kinda hope this is never read..I use it as my diary. It makes this blog as bad as facebook.
Anyways. Sleep well xxx

eeeeoo aaaaooouu

In Sophocles' Oedipus instead of stage directions there are words representing sounds that suggest how the character feel. It got me thinking wouldn't it be nice if we all did this. Instead of complicated feelings that are expressed through a cruel act or one that seeks attention. We could just ooorrrk or eEEeeeaAp and everyone would just know.
Its not that simple though is it? We struggle to tell people that we love them or that we are hurting and similarly struggle to understand others. It all leads to a rather confusing and frustrating complex world of tip toeing around one another.
This blog doesn't have much of a point to it. Indeed it wasn't meant to. I just felt a need to write down my thinkings.
Sleep well. Xx

mwahaha!

He's fallen for me, he just hasn't realised it yet!

miss you

We havent been together for a few years. We aren't a couple but you are my best friend. People dont understand how we work, our relationship and why we still care so much about another. You've been gone a week and I miss you. Im so jealous of the amazing things you are doing this second and wish I was doing them with you. I want you to ring me and tell me all about it so I know, so I can share it with you. I am so proud of you...you are brave and strong and doing what you want. Keep it up, and come home soon. xx

cliques or clicks.

I find it hard at uni. I dont belong to one group or another. I kinda of drift between several. Its nice that I can get on with everyone I just wish everyone else was the same. I struggle not to judge others by their cliquiness and their unwilling to let people in. Im sure I am guilty of it some times but I am aware of others and a need to talk with others and get to know them. I feel I need to get to know the freshers more. I wasnt in LoCo last semester for the Panto and missed out on getting aquainted with them. God knows what they must think of me. I want to know them and them know moi. I am a little worried by a friends observations about said cliquiness and hope I do not fall into the bracket of people described. I deliberately try not to.

Its the auditions on Friday, I am not very familiar with the play as I wasnt able to go to the read through but looking at the chatacter list I am liking the look of Madame Lola- a fiesty french madame whos a big softy really. Im nervous about the auditions, I couldnt respect the people on the panel more, each one of them are really talented and so lovely. I'm most nervous about auditioning infront of one of the panel as I look up to him. It's funny cause I read his blog and it inspires me, yet he always writes about his knocked confidence with LoCo with non drama students getting better parts than him. He's silly. I think he's bloody brilliant and has the most amazing attitude towards life. I shouldnt admit it but I always look forward to reading his blogs. They generally put a smile on my face and encourage me to do better. I hope I can give a good audition.

Seemingly last night I was invited around to the girls house "House of Skirt" and it was lovely, I felt part of it and there wasnt any strain to blend in or be part of the action. Just a lovely relaxed night with lots of giggles.

Im going to get an early night, I'm really feeling the strain of work and uni running alongside one another at the mo.

For now goodnight, sleep tight, dont let the bed bugs bite. xx

the girls

the girls are fabulous. Always up for a laugh and always ready to make me smile.
Thank you! Xx p.s. I would quite like a hug. :)

forgiving.

I was asked to forgive a friend for their lack of communication and general upheavance from my life recently. They hurt me, not talking to me, just cutting off with out a word when I could have done with this friend for some support after I spent much time supporting them. Of course the neednt have asked for my forgivness it was a given that I would forgive them, I don't understand why anyone would want to live in a world where they have to keep tally of who they are and arent friendly with. But I feel perhaps that I am a little soft, I let myself be affected by other peoples lives and stress about what people think of me.
This post isn't written to declare that "IT ALL STOPS NOW" because its not about that. I just need sometimes to aknowledge for myself that I should take a step back and not get caught up in the commotion of others lives. I will always be there for my friend as I could never turn someone in need of help away, but I do feel a little hurt that I am only wanted when I am needed.

Want a laugh? I got in from uni today to find a purple gift bag on the sofa, so i had a peek. Inside was a brown plastic container with a load of dust in it....I didnt figure out it was Grandma until a while later. :S

An upper, going for a meal soon with one group of friends and then having a sleepover with the girlies a couple of nights after. Looking forward to some laughs.

take care xx

let down

I feel I've let myself down this semester at uni. I have got my grades and Ive got B's. To any other normal person this would be brilliant I know. I guess it is, but for me its not good enough unless im top. Last year was full of A's which was amazing but this year has been so much harder and challenging. Im disappointed in myself. I should do better, I want to be consistent, but I gave my all and it wasnt good enough.
I guess its all about pushing boundaries and going that extra mile. :S xx

WHOOPSIE

just got caught by my mother doing something i shouldnt get caught doing, extremely embarrassing. :s
x

day-dreaming of foreign lands

Adventure is out there! I just need time to find it. x

lovely people, lovely food, lovely evening, not so lovely morning.

I am hung-over like a donkey. Alcohol and me make for an interesting night and a not so interesting morning at work.
Last night there were, laughs, eats, hugs, kisses, chats and even tears. So lovely to spend a night in the company of friends and let it all hang loose.
Thank you to Jen for loaning her house and getting all the food.
Thank you to Lorna for cooking it and helping me make sense of my tears.
Thank you to Fran for letting me snog her.
Thank you to Ben for becoming my friend.
Thank you to Dave who made me feel mature :P
Thank you to Chloe for reminding me of old times and sympathising with me.
Thank you to Kay for crying with me.
Thank you to Mark, who reminded me that I can still feel attractive.
There are lots more thank you's but these just sum up the night and how fabulous you all are.
Thank you!
xxx

Im feeling fine.

We lost grandma just over a week ago. I dont cry about it anymore, and I dont feel sad about it. It sounds strange to some people that I'm not outwardly mourning or anything, I am. I dont feel the need to cry, and there is no reason to be sad. She is wherever she is now, although unexpected, it wasnt untimely and it was better now while she was still completely functional and all. I do think about her, and I always will, we were close and she would always support me through everything I did. And I'm sure that there will be times I will miss her. But right now I have my family to look after. My dad is devastated, understandably and mum is being amazing and sympathising with him and helping make all the arrangements. Sally is busy with her exams, so its my job to do the everyday stuff, the shopping, the cleaning, the cooking. I suppose me doing these things is my way of mouring. Its not something I would do normally at all and its what I feel I should do at this time.

Seeing my whole family pull together makes me realise how lucky I am to have them. I cant imagine a life without them. It also makes me wish I had a partner more and more, as I watch mum comfort dad, my auntie and uncle comfort each other, couples writing to us with their sympathies. I have come to realise that there isnt much you cant do in life with someone by your side. It shall happen I'm sure. I just get so frustated that I have to wait.

I watch couples declaring they are in a realtionship on facebook, I watch my sister cry because her boyfriend lives so far away and she doesnt get to see him enough, I watch mum and dad have a cuddle in the kitchen after a hard day and I wish I had that. I think its unfair. People say I have to stop looking before something/someone will come along. But I feel I can't. Its such a big whole in my life that I feel needs filling that I cant just ignore it, Im not saying im constantly on the prowl for someone, but there is always that niggle in the back of my head and that heavy feeling in my heart that makes me sigh from time to time and keeps me wishing.

On a more positive note, my cousins are coming up for the funeral, I havent seen them in years so it will be nice to get everyone together, looking forward it all, apart from the funeral bit obviously!!

Ive had a lovely time over this past week, Ive been to the cinema with friends, been to birmingham to visit others, had my hair cut and tomorrow I am going round to another friends to have a curry and a few drinks with everyone. It will be fun Im sure!

I have band in a bit so off to get ready.

take care xx

This is hard but it all works out in the end.

These last 2 years have been the hardest of my life, they werent bad, far from it. But they were hard, and Im sure the next two will be as well.
It is through stuggle that we learn the value of the things we have when they come easy. It is trhough struggle that we learn we can do it. And it is through stuggle that I shall come out of the other side feeling proud and happy with myself.

Now to struggle on with these essays! xx

malfunction

I think life is pretty complex. I think its amazing how so much goes on it and how we have the capacity to cope with it all...theres so much! I think I have finally reached my limit though. Ive lost all motivation to do anything and find all I do is stare into space. Its so overwhelming I dont even have the ability to get stressed about it.
I know it happens to everyone, but I never thought there would be a day when I couldnt cope. Rather a day when I would admit I couldnt cope.

I have been defeated.
I surrender!

Can I have a brain back now please?

x