So today has been a good day, the best of a bad week to be honest.
Went shopping with the little sister and spent money on not alot of things, always fun.
Its been a hard hard week, and Ive had trouble deciding whether or not I want to speak about it. Ive told all of one person aside of my family members, because I think perhaps my worrying is silly or too o.t.t.
I know that I usually use this blog to rant and rave or just be a little bit silly, but there comes a time in life when all of us like to get a little serious for a minute or two. Today I want to use this space to speak out about something that is a big interruption in my recent life, something that needs to stay on the down-low. I know that an extremely small number of people if any read this and so I feel I can say all I like on here without drawing too much attention my way.
A month ago I found a lump in my left breast. It has been worrying me, but it was stupidly put to the back of my mind with all the happenings of late. It wasnt until I went to scotland and visited my Auntie who has recently battled with Breast Cancer (and won I am pleased to say) That I realised how important it was that I get it checked out. Breast Cancer and the linked Bowel cancer has been found in several people on both sides of my family so the doctor has refered me to the Breast Unit to have it checked out. She tells me that I shouldnt worry, that she thinks its not something to worry about. But I cant help it. I dont think it is a big deal and I dont believe for one second that my life is in question, however it really does put things into perspective. I cant for one second begin to understand what it must be like for those who have been or had loved ones affected by it. But even with the smallest uncertainty that I may have something like that it has reaped hell in my immediate family. My Grandma, who we lost the end of Feb this year had battled with both breast and bowel cancer several times over. Dad thinks he didnt do enough for her or encourage her to go to the doctors enough and is now pushing and pushing me to "stand-up for myself" at the doctors and ask to be tested immediately and so-on. I know this comes out of love and worries, but really it makes me feel awful and worries me more. Mum is upset because Dad is upset, she worries about me too, and between them I'm sure they've discussed every situation possible. I just dont want to talk about it to people who care I shrug Mum and Dad off, it causes way too much trouble, so here I am on here.
Theres not alot left to say, theres the obvious feelings that come with waiting for an appointement to schedule a breast exam. Though i've been told not to worry, you cant be truly clear of it until that happens.
There are hundreds of people out there now with the same worries as me, theirs probably somewhat more legitimate. I wish I could give them all a cuddle, because thats the best I have to offer and right now I'd really love one myself.
The week has been a bit of shitter from the above point onwards, what with the awful riots and all those poor people affected by that. I really cant wait to go away for a few days to Spain with the girls and leave with behind everything that England has to offer me.
Ok, thats me done. Normal blogging shall resume next time.
take care all. xxx
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